The Original Dalbyisms

Who's Who?

Mum, Richard and Stuart went to get some photos of Stuart from the automatic photo-booth in Boots [a store in the centre of Bradford].

Stuart combed his hair, sat in the booth, smiled and was flashed at four times! Then we started to wait five minutes while the machine processed the pictures prior to spitting out the finished prints.

Meanwhile, several other people entered the machine to get their pictures taken.

A confused look came across Mum's face as she asked Stuart, "How will you know which photos are yours?"

Water on the Brain

Stuart and Richard were discussing the unbelievably exciting subject of car windscreen washing solutions one night in "The Brown Cow" pub in Denholme Gate.

Richard asked Stuart whether all English screen washing solutions needed diluting before use and was quickly informed, "No. You just need to add it to the water in the washer bottle!".

Thanks Stuart.

Talking Turkey!

During the annual cooking of the Christmas turkey at 'Chez Dalby', the chefs Stuart and Richard made an unexpected discovery. The turkey only had one wing!

Intensive investigation revealed that the turkey's source was a dubious frozen food shop in Bradford run by two sons of a colleague of Dad's.

The turkey was much cheaper than anywhere else in town and was labelled 'Some damage may have occurred during processing'.

Dad, in true Dalby style was unwilling to admit buying anything less than a perfectly normal bird. When quizzed as to why he thought these turkeys were cheaper than the going rate he replied, "Well, I thought it was some new breed of turkey!"

The family has agreed to accept the story if Dad produces photographic evidence of one such turkey which will probably be flying around in circles!

We've Got Your Number

During Anthony's never-ending search for a flat he studied the Home Section of the Telegraph & Argus while waiting to go bowling at Keighley's Hollywood Bowl.

He found somewhere that looking promising and wrote down a few details before leaving the bar to telephone the landlord.

Minutes passed before he returned to tell us that the telephone was OK but he'd forgotten to write down the number!

Dog-gone Crazy

Richard and Stuart had just returned from an outing and began thinking about preparing some dinner.

Stuart realised that it was past Sandy's [the family's pet dog] feeding time and asked Dad, "Has the dog been fed?". He hadn't and so Stuart gave Sandy his dinner.

Stuart then wondered whether Richard and himself were just preparing dinner for themselves or for Dad as well. Without thinking he uttered, "Has Dad been fed?".


We were all watching the Antiques Road Show one Sunday night on television. There were many wonderful things being valued. One of them a miniature tea service.

Mum watched intensely and suddenly announced, "That's a bit like my tea service". There was no response from the rest of us.

"Well the cups are round like mine."

Almost identical I'd say.

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